Brian Bergeron

Much of this blog is me being frantic, complaining, and worrying about whether or not I should be doing music and if I’m any good and is it worth it? So yea, that’s what this is about. Ha.

I watched a half-hour long DVD seminar tonight entitled “3 Key Questions” by a Reverend from BC. It is a seminar they have for professionals and I believe some students at school to help them choose their correct vocation. I received the DVD from my friend Jim, whom I met at Faneuil Hall and who has been serving as a good person to bounce thoughts off of as of late (and probably the most consistent reader of this blog so there’s a good chance he’ll be the first person to read this entry).

Anyhow, the video addresses three key questions that one should ask in regards to whether or not a particular vocation you are considering is good for you:

1. Is this a source of joy?
2. Are you any good at it?
3. Does anyone need you to do it?

I suppose I’ll reflect a little bit on these three points for me.

1. The reverend is quick to note the difference between joy and happiness. One who finds joy in a vocation might not always be happy (due in part to external factors, which change so frequently). Also, if one is full of satisfaction with their vocation, it does not necessarily lead to joy. In fact, satisfaction, the Reverend believes, can detract from joy. Dissatisfaction moves us forward.

For me, I definitely feel like I’m deriving joy out of being a musician. If you ask people close to me, (my girlfriend, the Cahill boys) I may bitch and whine about music and my career and the way things are going. I definitely feel like the cards are seemingly always stacked against me and my back is up against a wall. (I like being the underdog and Max, one of my other house mates, likes to call me the ‘Hustler’) I’m not always happy with my job, in fact, I think most of the time I’m not happy having to spend two hours a day sending e-mails and posturing my career to move things forward. Being a true, serious independent musician is a HUGE pain in the ass but I do get joy from it. I constantly say that I’m living for the little victories at this point and that I know that things always get better and it’s on the up-and-up for me. It’s tough…It’s fun sometimes but a lot of the times it isn’t fun. It IS a job like anything else…Certainly not glamorous or ‘cool’ like a lot of people like to think but it is joyful for me.

2. The next question discusses my vocation’s tendency to expand my abilities. It asks, am I successful at it? It says that the important thing for answering this question is that other people have to tell us this. We’re not the best judges of what our talents and abilities are and have a tough time realizing when some things are remarkable and when other things aren’t. It’s important to have other people review your talents.

A key virtue to have in this case is a “genuinely humble openness to other’s suggestions and opinions.”

Luckily for me, I work in an industry where I am judged constantly. (that comment was only sort of facetious) Because my art form is subjective, whether I am good or successful at it is up to each independent listener. If we’re talking about tangibles, I’m successful because I’m making a living as an independent musician, which not many people can do…woo hoo. I de-railed myself a bit there. I think Faneuil Hall can be a really good gauge for this but I often put TOO much stock in my success (or lack thereof) there. These people don’t owe me anything so they choose to pay or not pay me according to what they think my worth is as an entertainer. So, when I played today and didn’t sell any CDs and made 40 bucks then I feel like I’m no good and unsuccessful but then I can play on another day and make two hundred bucks and sell about 20 CDs it leads to a weird assessment. There are so many external factors but Faneuil Hall is still one of the better judges that I have for that.

For music, it is tough too because if you ask your friends they’ll ultimately say “You’re great” and try to sugarcoat things that may not be true. For a long time I sucked and my friends’ responses were no different than they are now (now that I’m sort of good…at least give me THAT), which is funny. The one difference is when a friend says, “My, how much you have improved!” (but not with those words because no one actually talks like that)…Anyways, I’m lucky enough where my girlfriend appears to be pretty objective about my music. Outside of the fact that I don’t often write about her (which is a WHOLE other can of worms) she is quick to tell me when something isn’t good…which I appreciate more than all the praise in the world…

…but that’s not to say I don’t appreciate the praise. I won’t lie in saying that the kind words I have received over the course of the last couple years in particular have helped to motivate and propel my ambitions forward. Just last night someone at the school I played at said that I had a pretty voice…and that rocks…because I’m in the business of making people feel good and if someone says that I have a pretty voice then I’ve kind of done my job…

…So all that being said, people tell me that I’m good at my job but I only half believe them. I have such a long way to go with that (I don’t think it’ll ever stop) but I need the criticisms as much as the praise to keep things moving.

3. Whew, that last one took a lot out of me. So, if you’ve made it through questions one and two and the answer is a resounding “Yes!” then you have to ask yourself if the community can benefit from your talents. The example the Reverend used was: Pretend you were a shedpherd and it brought you great joy. Now suppose that you were also fantastic at being a shepherd. Now, let’s say you lived in New York City. Though you were a great and joyous shepherd, it’s all for naught because your vocation doesn’t work in your given community. You’re not giving to the community that you’re part of.

So yea, they saved the hardest one for the last one…

He talked about the idea of Agape, or self-gift…the idea of self-sacrificing love. How can I best give to the people around me? It starts with seeing other people for what they are…”Other people” and not figures who serve a role in your life. They have their own equally significant lives.

Have you discerned what people most deeply require and can I supply that through my vocation?

Music is important because it is such a primal art form and instills CONNECTION. That’s why everyone still yells “Freebird” at EVERY SINGLE CONCERT. Has anyone ever actually heard “Freebird?” I have but most haven’t…Ha…But they’re part of something and its shared. That’s why the record industry is FALLING APART, yet I’m not particularly worried. People won’t be paying for music for much longer, let’s face it. Live music, however, won’t expire because I can’t see people disposing of the personal connection that they get listening to live music (at least for the foreseeable future).

I feel there is a severe undervaluing in originality and integrity in development of the songwriting craft for many people today. That might just be pretensions but I look to best develop my craft to provide this connection. It’s an uphill battle, for sure, because I’m not writing strictly in a pop-rock sense. I’m trying to write more artistically and create something that has a lasting artistic value (not there yet…but hopefully) …That’s a whole other debate, back on topic.

I often have doubts as to if it’s worth doing it. Does anyone need me to do it? I’m finding more and more that the answer is yes. Talking with Jim last week (whom I received the DVD from) he said that he needs me to do it…I’m worthy as a musician because he finds it to be so. It’s the same thing that I’m worthy as a musician because a four-year-old boy will stop and dance at Faneuil Hall or someone at my show will write “Great Songs” on my e-mail list. I’m starting to feel as if people need me to create music and it’s a liberating feeling. I believe that many people do music for the wrong reasons and for the longest time I did it just because I thought it would cool and fun but now I think I have purpose…and that feels nice.

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This blog strays all over the place…and I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I didn’t mean for this to sound like an infomercial or preachy or whatever. I write this blog as a direct look into my brain. I often write in a very off the top of my head kind of manner and I don’t often proof read for grammar and such…for better or worse. Sometimes, I’ll write with the purpose of a show review or reflections but I do like the open book approach.

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That being said, I think I’m going to leave it now. I had a cup of “good night” tea like an hour ago and I’ve been drifting the whole time writing this so I might read it tomorrow and be like, “What was I thinking?” So nighty night.